Girl on the Third Floor is a 2019 horror film directed by Travis Stevens starring CM Punk, Trieste Kelly Dunn and Tonya Kay. It deals with a man who has a child on the way that sets off to renovate a house that has a sordid past. My full Girl on the Third Floor (2019) review is below.
Where do I begin with this one? It starts off boring and ends being (IMO) even more boring. From the beginning until about 1hr in, there is not much happening. You have a man who is by himself and his dog, renovating the house that he and his wife (and future child) will live in. Besides that, you have a visit from a neighbor and a young woman who flirts with the main character. On top of this add bunch of creepy music, random marbles appearing, and gross stuff like house oozing white milky substance that looks suspiciously like semen. Besides that, not much happens as everybody Don (main character) encounters is pretty vague about the house Don is working on. They say things like it does weird things to men and you should leave without giving him anything else to go by. He sees them as weird locals.
The second part of the movie (about 30 or so min) has more gross stuff, more revelations about the house (not particularly interesting or shocking). Not much violence, lots of gross stuff, A LOT of hot marble action, and even the time when they could have shown some nudity, the director wimps out and only shows what is considered as underboob (HIGHLY disappointing considering the house’s past). I feel like the house itself has a sordid past that could have been more explained and explored in greater detail. If the only thing they had was “rich people do things that society deems taboo”, then the movie was meant to fail.
A bunch of things didn’t make a lot of sense such as why wipe oozing good from socket and plug in drill charger as if that will fix everything? It is literally coming out of the socket. Why is the main guy constantly isolating his dog? Why does he go from zero to murder in about 10 seconds? (he is a con man but not for violent crime). Why does he easily overact? How does he think he will be able to fix the house with one small set of tools? Why does his wife stay with him? What makes her think he will change in a new dilapidated house? Sigh. There’s more but it “spoils” the movie.
Anyway, the movie is extremely boring. The acting is subpar, the premise is extremely uninteresting. Even the twist is boring as hell. I can say without any exaggeration that this is one of the worst movies I have seen on Netflix. It really doesn’t even qualify as it’s so bad it’s a good movie. It’s just bad and I want my 90 min or whatever the length is, back.
Thank you for reading my Girl on the Third Floor (2019) review.
